Written by Laura-Lee Walker
Date: April 5, 2015
File Objective: Find Easter eggs by conducting surveillance on the Easter Bunny.
Client: Children all over the world.
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SUBJECT: THE EASTER BUNNY
Know Aliases: Easter Rabbit and Easter Hare.
Description: Looks like a large rabbit, has long ears, and walks upright. She is approximately 450 years old, and can magically grow up to five feet tall.
The subject is extremely fast and has powerful hind legs. She can hop-hop-hop over large distances. She is able to blend into her surroundings by changing the color of her fur.
Current Photo
RESIDENCE PROFILE:
The Easter Bunny lives in an underground burrow made of cake. The residence is located beside a milk chocolate river. The property is surrounded by candied grass and yellow flowers. Her precise location remains a mystery.
The subject’s neighbour is an unidentified male slug approximately one inch tall.
SUMMARY:
K23 recommends that children search for Easter eggs in the following areas:
– Bushes
– Hanging plants
– Tire swings
– Sandboxes
– Near carrots and lettuce
– Slippers
– Coat pockets
– Behind pictures
– Under sofas
– Under kitchen chairs
SURVEILLANCE:
Sunday, April 5, 2015 – Sun and clouds
0700 hrs. Investigator Walker (K23) initiates surveillance at the subject’s burrow. The subject’s basket is not present.
0730 hrs. K23 smells chocolate coming from the burrow. She observes large rabbit footprints nearby.
0745 hrs. An unidentified male bunny is seen scooping chocolate from the river into rabbit-shaped moulds. He returns to the burrow.
0825 hr. The subject is observed laying bright-coloured eggs. She gathers her eggs and goes back to her burrow.
1005 hrs. The subject exits her residence. She appears to be carrying a magical basket that has an infinite number of Easter eggs and chocolate bunnies. She proceeds to hop into a backyard nearby.
1010 hrs. K23 puts on a pair of fluffy ears and leaves her vehicle. She follows the Easter Bunny on foot using her pinhole camera.
1020 hrs. The Easter Bunny is seen hiding an egg under a small bush, then in a hanging plant, a tire swing and a sandbox. She proceeds to a garden where the subject nibbles on lettuce and carrots, and drops several more eggs.
1105 hrs. She enters a house using what appears to be a magic key. K23 can see through one of the open windows and observes the subject hiding a chocolate bunny in a coat pocket and behind a picture. The bunny puts some eggs under the sofa, a kitchen chair and in a pair of slippers.
1115 hrs. Surveillance is discontinued.
Laura-Lee is an open-source intelligence analyst at Kusic and Kusic Private Investigators. She specializes in litigation support, Easter egg hunting, background checks, and online investigations.
Photo Sources: Flickr (shadow of Easter Bunny), Flickr (Easter Bunny ID shot), Flickr (Easter Bunny cake), Flickr (Easter Bunny laying eggs), Flickr (Easter Bunny in grass)